I like this letter because it is concise and states how the spa company is related to my insurance company. The true message of the letter, which is to entitle me to a 40% discount was also clearly conveyed. The contents are coherent: they flow from one sentence to the next although I feel that some of the paragraphs should have been combined.
Just as much as I would like to compliment, I dislike how the letter was crafted.
Firstly, my father’s name was not spelt in full and I find this disrespectful. Considering this spa company works in tandem with another prominent company, details should have been meticulously thought of especially for formal letters (the spa company does not know me personally). The same goes for my address: ‘JLN’ and ‘SPORE’ should have been spelt out in full.
Secondly, the wordart and banner graphic should have been excluded. These make the letter look informal. Also, formal letters should never have exclamation marks as it symbolises disrespect, even if their true intention is otherwise.
Lastly, this letter has no proper closing i.e. no ‘Yours sincerely’, etc. and signature of the person who sent or typed this letter, which should be included to make the letter more professional, personalised and make the company appear more approachable. Often we see ‘... no signature is required’ on letters sent by the government which has a commanding tone. This is inappropriate for companies that offer services to customers.
What do you feel?
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Hi,
ReplyDeleteThe first phrase that caught my attention is the 40% discount as it is in bold. So I am able to know what is the main idea what the letter trying to convey.
I have similar semtiments as Siti as that the letter is not formal with the wordart and banner graphics. The whole letter looks messy too.
The company should write the name in full and include a proper sign off as a form of respect for the customer and for themselves.
Hi Siti,
ReplyDeleteA well analyzed letter. I think it should be a good new and everyone love to receive it. However, I think abbreviation like "JLN" is acceptable and is true that they should write your full name in the letter.
And one thing, there should have a authority signature of high rank staff like manager, in the way to show respect to customer.
Lastly, I think the company should include a birthday card with the letter because the design of the letter is quite simple.
Cheers
Kent
Hi Siti,
ReplyDeleteYour critique is concise and easy to read. Your writing style has a very personal touch, its as if i can hear you talking as i read =)
Now i'll move on to the letter:
I think the grammar of the letter is terrible and the vocabulary used is inappropriate. As mentioned by both you and may, it is too friendly for a professional business correspondace. Although bolding of the 40% discount does drive the main point across, I think it is too bold. It makes the letter look like a cheap advert instead of a formal letter.
In addition, they did not include a letterhead of their company. They should have used the time spent on the graphics to create a letterhead instead.
Hi Siti,
ReplyDeleteGood job on your critique. It is clear, concise and easy to understand.
For the letter, I feel that the tone of the letter is too casual and is inappropriate for a business correspondence. Perhaps they are trying out a strategy to pull the distance between them and the consumers closer.
And like what Kent had mentioned earlier, instead of putting the big font size "Happy Birthday" in the letter, perhaps they could attach a happy birthday card to make them seem more sincere. Without those words in bold "screaming" out to you, I feel the letter would look much neater.
Thank you May, Kent, Julie and Yuan Zhou for the kind words.
ReplyDeletePerhaps I would like to point out that the company does have a letterhead which I've blocked out because personally, I don't think its very nice to criticise the company openly. That is, to have their company names and details included on the post. Hope that helps. =)